Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Eric and I in Arizona. He didn't feel well the entire time we were there. His chest felt heavy and he had a hard time breathing. We enjoyed being together there, but he felt bad... I wish we'd known that he could take diuretic meds to remove the water from his lungs and stomach. He would have felt so much better! We found out when we returned home and Eric spoke with a doctor about it. One good thing is that the doctor at Duke believes that Eric will be placed on the heart transplant list by next month.

Today I'm overwhelmed by many things. I wish I could understand WHY certain things happen. Or WHY certain things DON'T happen. I know that I am finite. My mind certainly IS finite and my wisdom and understanding of life is even more finite. I spend too much time thinking about what if we had done this... or that. Or what if I had chose a different major in college, where would I be now? I regret MY REGRETS. How about that? I feel uncommitted to anything. I want to sing in choir - I just don't want to go to practices! I want to work out but am SO tired of the stairmaster. I want to lost weight but I still like to eat chocolate. I am a mess.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Who I am today

Today I went to work and met Eric at Chipotle for lunch. Today I hoped for more patience tomorrow. Today I dreamed of heaven. Today I forgot that I am loved. Today I heard boys saying boy stuff (hee, hee). Today I said I'm overwhelmed. Today I read a report on Bosnia. Today I watched the clouds cover the sun. Today I believed. Today I felt like running away to the beach. Today I wondered why God gave us the burdens we have. Today I bought Dunkin' Donuts large coffee, light on cream. Today I cleaned my body in the shower! Today I cried with Cindy Waters. Today I went quickly to carpool. Today I hoped for more grace. Today I dreamed that Noelle will one day be well. Today I forgot that I am forgiven and whole.